To Serve Mankind

The Draft of a Book I'd like to publish 'in' Mortal Online:

("It's... it's a COOKBOOK!!!"¹ )

Actual Title: Eaters Of The Dead ²

Authoress: Lorena To'Biath, Huergar Cook

Inscription: Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc ³

Introduction: ⁴

Envy not the enemy

we leave for the the talons of the ravens

and the teeth of wolves

The thirsty ground shall drink his blood,

the wistful rain wash his corpse,

and the wandering wind waft his soul away.

The blackest birds, the scaffold-scavenging

carrion crow, the voracious vulture

swooping down shall feast and fatten

on the marrow of his misbegotten bones.

Mushrooms, morels and mould

shall grow fat in some damp depression

where we leave lying his lost limbs,

his burdensome offal to rot.

For the bones of a man are the bars

to the prison of his flesh

for the punishment of his soul

and so we free who slay him

And by butchery set at liberty the spirit of the foe.

No small boon we grant the the wight

whose life we end, and then flense freely

the flesh unfestered

The sinew tough and soft meat sweet

of corpse once man, to furnish forth

the feasts of honour, valuing

the vanquished as food for the victors.

-- Translated from the Kallard.

Contents: Cannibalistic recipes for culinary delights made from humanoid flesh (Irminae, Jotuni, etc.).

Such foods already exist in-game in primitive forms, but we must have Awakening before we can produce books, or rename recipes to suit ourselves. Items that might be included:

Primordial Soupie Soup:
Main ingredient may be rare and hard to find.

Stir-Fried Kaos:
Nothing personal. I don't even know him.

Thief's Head Sushi:
Already on the menu at a bridge near you.

Braised Veela Cutlets:



Unicorn Meat:
(Caution: may contain pieces of Unicorn Hooves)

And, finally, and in keeping with Mortal Online's full-frontal sensibility, dessert, for those brave souls not afraid to touch it:



Thursar sausage grilled in Thursar skin and hidden in a pudding of corn flour; with a garnish of Twig and Firmwood Berries.

------------
Footnotes:
¹ Ultimate line of dialogue from the classic "To Serve Man" TV episode of The Twilight Zone (1962)
² Hommage to the novel Eaters Of The Dead: The Manuscript of Ibn Fadlan, Relating His Experiences With The Northmen, A.D. 922, by Michael Crichton; the basis for the movie The 13th Warrior (1999).
³ Mock-Latin motto of The Addams Family: "We gladly feast upon those who would subdue us."
⁴ Alliterative verse, no less, "Kallard"-style.

Gates of Meduli

From the poem by James Elroy Flecker ~ found here ~

  FOUR great gates has the city of Damascus
       And four Great Wardens, on their spears reclining,
    All day long stand like tall stone men
       And sleep on the towers when the moon is shining.

This is the song of the East Gate Warden

When he locks the great gate and smokes in his garden.

Postern of Fate, the Desert Gate, Disaster's Cavern, Fort of Fear,

The Portal of Bagdad am I, and Doorway of Diarbekir. 

 

The Persian Dawn with new desires may net the flushing mountain spires:

But my gaunt buttress still rejects the suppliance of those mellow fires. 

 

Pass not beneath, O Caravan, or pass not singing. Have you heard

That silence where the birds are dead yet something pipeth like a bird? 

 

Pass not beneath! Men say there blows in stony deserts still a rose

But with no scarlet to her leaf--and from whose heart no perfume flows. 

 

Wilt thou bloom red where she buds pale, thy sister rose? Wilt thou not fail

When noonday flashes like a flail? Leave nightingale the caravan! 

 

Pass then, pass all! "Bagdad!" ye cry, and down the billows of blue sky

Ye beat the bell that beats to hell, and who shall thrust you back? Not I. 

 

The Sun who flashes through the head and paints the shadows green and red,--

The Sun shall eat thy fleshless dead, O Caravan, O Caravan! 

 

And one who licks his lips for thirst with fevered eyes shall face in fear

The palms that wave, the streams that burst, his last mirage, O Caravan! 

 

And one--the bird-voiced Singing-man--shall fall behind thee, Caravan!

And God shall meet him in the night, and he shall sing as best he can. 

 

And one the Bedouin shall slay, and one, sand-stricken on the way

Go dark and blind; and one shall say--"How lonely is the Caravan!" 

 

Pass out beneath, O Caravan, Doom's Caravan, Death's Caravan!

I had not told ye, fools, so much, save that I heard your Singing-man.

~ ~ ~

This pretty much describes, in effect, every way there is out of Meduli, as well.

Assume the end is always the goal. The path to this goal is the way you go. Now think about it, life is the way you go and death is where it ends. So what's wrong with this little devotion to the dead, when it's all humans goal to reach?

--Necromantic

Year in and year out, an outstanding signature that isn't some dumb song quote or obscure LOL-baggery.

Out With The Old Tools, In With The New

The original or old-school pickaxe, and worn short sword, both pictured below:

They have been replaced by, also shown, the Axe and the Pickaxe, and by the "new" Worn Shortsword sold by Utility Vendors everywhere (sold at the same price as the tools they replaced: 1 silver).

Things to Note:
• The new Axe is also a weapon, which the Old Pickaxe is not.
• The new Worn Short Sword has a different icon in inventory, but I have not noticed any between its appearance and that of the old one, in-game.
• The old Pickaxe has a different icon in inventory and a different skin in-game than either of its replacements.
• The old Pickaxe was used for both mining and woodchopping.
• The old versions are tradable, but "blessed", meaning they respawn with you upon death. The new Axe, at least, does not.
• "Blessed" though they are, the old implements are still subject to loss of durability and will eventually disappear with enough use.
• None of the older versions weigh anything, which allowed one to carry as many as would fit in inventory.

Powers of the Butterfly

^[1] http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Butterfly_Physiology

Chocolate Chip Cookies Heal Bones

(23:19:20) <Koshin> chocolate chip cookies heal bones
(23:19:23) <Koshin> its a fact
(23:19:30) <Koshin> i read it in a blog somewhere

I didn't think it was true, then I recalled I had the power to make it true. Retroactively.

My God... It Even Has A Water Mark...

Jessenia's Completely Legitimate Butchering in Fabernum
Nave | Mortal Online by Star Vault

Epic Patch, A haiku by Reynik

The great firewall hides

the lazy coding dragon,

disappointing all.

It's Not Easy Being Red

It's not that easy being red
Having to spend each day the color of blood
When I think It could be much nicer being yellow, or blue
Or something much less colorful like that.

It's not easy being red
It seems you stand out from so many other ordinary things
And people tend to kill you over and over 'cause you're
Not standing in the guard zone
Just out under the sky.

But red's the color of Life
And red can be cool, and friendly, too
And red can be big like a zerg, or important
Like an epeen, or tall like a tree.

When red is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am red and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be.

This parody of "It's Not Easy Being Green" was written for the boys and girls of #mortalonline, and was brought to you by the number 3, the letter B, and the concept of satire.

Tags: Mortal Online